We’ve updated our blog address to www.va-va-voomn.net/v3blog. All future posts will appear there.

Sex Toy 101

Are you baffled by sexy toy stores? It’s daunting task to walk into your local toy shop and get advice on what toy will work best for you. Va Va Voom helps to debunk myths and educates you on the plethora of sensual options found in your local shop. In this class you will learn:

•Anatomy
•Your Mental State
•Vibrator 101
•Boy’s Toys
•The Forbidden Zone
•Keeping Well Lubricated
•Love me, beat me
•Safety, Safety, Safety

The Va Va Voom staff will tech you how to enjoy your sex life, with or without a partner. 

Note: Presentation includes Lecture, Live Demonstrations and Q&A.

NO Nudity. Must be 21 to attend. Partners preferred. There is No Charge for this class, but you will need to call and RSVP. You will receive 20% DISCOUNT after the event. There is no cost for this event. 208-322-6035.

Book your Flirt Parties Today

Va Va Voom’s retail stores in Idaho and Nevada, were developed to cater to women in a sex positive atmosphere. Often Women find it difficult to talk with people about their sensuality in a public forum. Now with Va Va Voom Flirt parties, you can be a Va Va Voom Flirt Party Host and get answers to your questions from our trained Flirt Party Adviser.

The party host can invite our Advisers to their parties who in turn can give educative presentation on sexuality. The Advisers will help you to know about the sensual products from Va Va Voom that will help you in improving your relations with your partner.

Flirt Party are great for a girl’s night out or Bachelorette parties. Our advisors will teach you the basics about the many different sex toys & sensual products that Va Va Voom carries.

As a Va Va Voom party host, you will receive 15% of your total party sales to be used online or in the Va Va Voom retail stores. Plus you will receive a bonus gift1. The products that are offered at the Va Va Voom home party includes Vibrators, Lubricants, Massage Oils, Educational Videos & more…

Hostess’ that book parties before May 31st, 2009 will receive 15% of total party bookings in Va Va Voom products. Booking parties after June 1st, 2009 hostess will receive 10%.

To Book a Va Va Voom Flirt party today call 866-619-2658 x84. A Va Va Voom Flirt Party Advisor will book your next party.

One of the funniest topics of conversation at the Va Va Voom I have with our female employees is the stories about “The Daily Creepy Dude”. While most of our customer base is young women in their twenties & thirties or committed couples coming in to spice up their love life, we do get our share of creepy freaks in the store. While our store is 90% Lingerie and other fun stuff, we do sell a limited collection of pornogray. All of these “Creepy Dudes” are typically shopping for porn when they come in. While all of these freaks are harmless, they do freak out the female employees.  This people can range from the business man to the dude that you think is homeless and hasn’t showered in two weeks.

So to start 2009 out right, I’ve complied a list of the top ten “Mr. Creepy Dudes” whom patronize the store over the years. We love you all of you! We’re just not in-love with you.

1. Mr. I need porn First thing Monday Morning. You’re waiting for the clerk to open the doors on Monday morning to see if we’ve by chance received a shipment of porn on Sunday. Maybe we got an overnight shipment of porn  that you haven’t perused. Seriously, we’ve had people who think that we would get shipments of porn on the weekend. They were in the store on Saturday. The first thing Monday morning, they’re bright eyed and waiting to see if we have a new title for their viewing pleasure.
2. Mr. Hit on the Female Clerk Dude. While buying a vibrator for your wife or girlfriend, you ask the female clerk if she want’s to go out and have drinks with you. Our girls have a very healthy sex life (I know, I’m married to one). They just don’t want to be intimate with you. Your technique and pickup line are just pain creepy. You’re buying an intimate toy for you and your significant other and then you take the time to see if you can score with the “Ladies of the Boutique”.
3. Mr. Preachy Pants. You decide to preach to the porn clerk girl about God all while buying the latest Tranny porn for your private collection. While we don’t care what you’re into I find it mildly humors that you have to preach while you’re buying “Brazilian She-Males #4”. We all want you to know: It’s ok if you like the lady boys, we don’t care.
4. Mr.WTF is Hygiene. Hygiene is something that you’ve forgot about and you come into the store, you’re the creepy guy. You’re smelly and spend hours looking at all the adult products in the store, but you never buy anything. We tolerate you because we love ALL our customers. Just take a bath. Hygiene is the #1 way to score with the ladies.
5. Mr. I buy wayyyyyyyy too much porn. Of all the creepy guys, this is the one I absolutely love! They come in to the store once a week and buy 2-3 porns. You’re pleasant, respectful, usually not to bad looking. We have to wonder why are you spending lots of your free cash on virtual fantasies, when you probably could easily hook up in real life? It’s really weird when your porn collection rivals Blockbuster Video.
6. Mr. I love women’s panties. You’re not really too creepy, we just want to know what’s wrong with you? Coming into the store every day to buy a new pair of women’s panties is a bit strange but not creepy. Asking if we want to see what they look like on you… Creepy.  Telling the poor girl that you want them to look at you when you model your newest pair of crotchless knickers puts you into the freak zone.
7. Mr. Stalker. Hey, I know that you like to be waited on by certain star employees. Especially the ones more endowed than the others. I try and make sure that we have a 100% satisfaction when you shop at either Va Va Voom. However, it really weirds out our girls when you won’t buy anything from anybody but your special clerk. Let me clue you in, the girl you think is going to ask you to ravish her, really just tolerates you because she works on commission. Last hint, her boobs don’t talk.
8. Mr. Meth Head. Enough said…  Nawww Just kidding. Because you’re horny and high  all the timeyou almost make #1 on the list. You think that you’re one sexy bitch, but really you’re just a twitchy, scratchy, emaciated, smelly freak who needs to get some serious sleep. I think that the drug war is 100% evil and wrong, but DUDE put that shit down. You’re freaking us out!
9. Mr. You are the creepy dude. If you’re not sure that you’re the creepy dude at the store, you probably are.
10. Mr. Amateur Photographer. Even better, is the amateur photographer who come in and ask the girls if they want him to take some boudoir pictures. First of all have you even seen our advertising? I’ve been dealing with the same photographer for 8 years. He’s amazing. If he’s not taking our pictures. I am and I’m pretty damn great. I’ll be you don’t even own a digital SLR camera. The truth is, we know that you’re an unemployed looser, You pose as a professional photographer on MySpace where you pathetically try to pick up chicks. We know that you’re  just going to use the pictures for your own private frap session. EWWWWWWW!

99.99% of our customers are regular everyday people, but we do get more than our fair share of interesting folks. That’s why you’re reading our blog right now! Free Entertainment.

Va Va Voom People!
Jason Vance

One of the most amusing parts of my job is to respond to email, messages and social networks. I typically get a few email attempts at dating and or meeting our monthly cover-girl. While I don’t blame them, I do find the uber pathetic attempts at seduction almost amusing.

However, sometimes, I just get fed up with loser perverts that use MySpace as their pathetic version of a bar.

I decided to posts today’s mail, along with my smarmy response:

From: max
Date: Dec 9, 2008 7:36 AM
Subject: well

so…I’m from Sweden, in search for a playful friend in you coutry, could you be that friend maybe?

Remember, Max is a 33 old “Ladies Man” from Denmark. I decided to have some fun with him and give a proper response:

Dear Max,

Are you a complete idiot? What type of person sends numerous messages on MySpace to see if you can hook up with some willing female companion. Are you using the Shotgun approach to sex on the internet? Are you so pathetic that you’re hoping for a quickie in the dressing room by one of the staff memebers? Maybe are you hoping that our store is chocked full of swinging females whom are waiting to ravish you at your beck and call.

Did you truly take the time to read our profile? I think that it’s fairly easy to distinguish that Va Va Voom is a Retail operation and sex toy website. Va Va Voom is not some sex-crazed sexy store clerk anxiously waiting for your poorly written myspace message to turn us on.

Better yet, do you fantasize about having a lingerie store full of female companions that are waiting to perform every sexual fantasy that you may have? You might want to address this issue with a mental health professional.

Finally, if you’re really trying to be an internet Ladies Man, take the time to come up with a better “Pick-Up Lines”. There has been a number of books and articles written out there that will greatly improve your odds at having an anonymous shag. If you respond, I will provide you with a list to help in your sex ways.

You could improve your skills by visiting your local books store and searching for “How to Pick Up Chicks.”

Kind Regards,

Va Va Voom

I’m sure that there is a lesson to be learned here. Guys should carefully read a person’s profile.

Typically if there is a business involved, there is probably 2-3 people whom are dealing with the social media sites. Don’t assume that the Female is 5’7”, blond and sexy. In truth, it might be a marginally handsome 6’ 4” bearded guy that co-owns the company. Lastly, come up with some better pick-up lines.

Don’t be pathetic Max.

Now that the Elections are over, Va Va Voom has created a new commercial. Let us know what you think!

You can send us feedback at store@va-va-voom.net.

November 2008 Background Image

Originally uploaded by vavavoomllc

We’re please to offer you a new background image for you to use on your computer.

With all the Haloween crazyness, we didnt’ get a chance to run our Super Tuesday Ad. We think that it is one of the best political ads you’ll never hear.

After owing a Lingerie/Adult store for almost 8 years and working in one for 5 more, I think that I’ve seen it all. Retail can be a rewarding experience but once in great while you get people in who need a real lesson in etiquette. Seriously, I want to know who raised these people? These people don’t know how to act in public and need some lessons on how not to be a prick in your local Adult store.

I decided to take a poll from the employees and find out what is their biggest pet peeves. Interestingly enough, there are a number of behaviors that creeped out, freaked and grossed each one of the employees.

Therefore, I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a lesson in Porn-shop Etiquette.

1. Your Sexual Tryst Invitation: Come on. Do you know how many perverts come into adult stores and invite the employees to go out and have a roll in the hay with them. Do you think that your invitation is original? Get a life. Just because we work in an adult store doesn’t mean that we’ll put out for you. Although, we may be slutty, We’re not going to do the horizontal mabo with you. If you use the local Porn-shop as a pickup joint, you are probably an anti-social, stinky pervert. We love you as a customer, we’re just not in love with you. If you’re not, we’re not interested in your swapping, threesome or other fucked up fantasy of us hooking up.
2. Hygiene. Take a fucking bath. Enough said.
3. Have you seen this porn? I bet that I wouldn’t have to work at a porn shop if I got a dollar every time some person asked me that question. I don’t want to be rude, but did you know that the porn industry releases over 10,000 DVD titles a year. If you can do the simple math you’d see that I don’t have time to watch every single porn.  The average porn runs about 90 minutes. This means that I would have to watch 900000 minutes of porn to possibly see the exact DVD that you are eying. Chances are I didn’t want to spend 1.7 years of my life to become your personal porno reviewer. If you like the pictures on the cover of people fucking, you’ll probably like the porn.
4. How about watching this porn with me? EWWWWWWWWW. Come on, why would I actually take the time out of my life to watch that porn with you. You most likely gross, desperate and don’t have a life. Do you think that I want to join your frap party with you and your friends? I don’t think so. Don’t invite me, don’t even think about it. It’s not going to happen. Ever.
5. Strippers. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to go postal on a stripper. If you are a stripper, I’ll give you a discount. Just be courteous. We work in the adult entertainment industry also. We are here to serve you. Don’t come in cracked out and expect us to give a shit.
6. Are you the old dude who look at EVERY porn? Come on, don’t be the weird old man who doesn’t say two words to us. You just head straight to the porn section, pick up and study each and every DVD on both sides and then a few hours late, leave the store in a rush. We run a business not a charity frap fantasy. If you got your rocks off for few hours, buy some lubricant. It will save you the chafing. Please leave before you use the lubricant. Please.
7. Staring at my breasts: Now I understand that it’s in the male psyche to stare at the closest pair of breasts. I even understand that it can be a good joke. Don’t walk in and start at the poor sales girl’s breast. WTF Moment: Walking up to me and staring at my cleavage without saying two words. It’s rude and gross. We think that you’re just a creepy old pervert.  My eyes are about 12 inches higher. Have some fucking respect and talk to me like I’m a human, not a character in your siko fantasy.
8. Don’t cop an attitude when I ask you for ID. Take it as a complement. I am just doing my part to help the fascist government keep people under 18 out of the porn store. Be flattered that you don’t look old. I’d love to see pornographic websites get the same flack as we do.
9. How many masturbators can you break? Dude, seriously, spend the money at a bar trying to get laid. It’s probably cheaper and will not gross us out so bad. We don’t give a shit about the size of your member. There are hundreds of penises on our walls. We don’t care about yours.
10. Fucking in the dressing room. I wouldn’t come into your place of work and fuck on your desk. How about having some respect for the store. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve busted trying to get it on at the porn store. Think about this, you probably are not the first couple in the world trying to get their kink on in the dressing room. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. By the way, FUCK You Cosmopolitan magazine for giving couples the idea in the firs place. Take your lingerie home and go fuck each other privately.

Don’t get me wrong. We love you as our customer. I want to see you return to the store as often as you want. Just don’t be the freaked out creepy customer that no one wants to deal with. Don’t make me have to throw your ass out for not having any porn store etiquette.

Jason Vance