Book a Flirt Party Today!

Book your Flirt Parties Today

Book your Flirt Parties Today

Va Va Voom’s retail stores in Idaho and Nevada, were developed to cater to women in a sex positive atmosphere. Often Women find it difficult to talk with people about their sensuality in a public forum. Now with Va Va Voom Flirt parties, you can be a Va Va Voom Flirt Party Host and get answers to your questions from our trained Flirt Party Adviser.

The party host can invite our Advisers to their parties who in turn can give educative presentation on sexuality. The Advisers will help you to know about the sensual products from Va Va Voom that will help you in improving your relations with your partner.

Flirt Party are great for a girl’s night out or Bachelorette parties. Our advisors will teach you the basics about the many different sex toys & sensual products that Va Va Voom carries.

As a Va Va Voom party host, you will receive 15% of your total party sales to be used online or in the Va Va Voom retail stores. Plus you will receive a bonus gift1. The products that are offered at the Va Va Voom home party includes Vibrators, Lubricants, Massage Oils, Educational Videos & more…

Hostess’ that book parties before May 31st, 2009 will receive 15% of total party bookings in Va Va Voom products. Booking parties after June 1st, 2009 hostess will receive 10%.

To Book a Va Va Voom Flirt party today call 866-619-2658 x84. A Va Va Voom Flirt Party Advisor will book your next party.

How to tell if you’re the creepy dude at the adut store

One of the funniest topics of conversation at the Va Va Voom I have with our female employees is the stories about “The Daily Creepy Dude”. While most of our customer base is young women in their twenties & thirties or committed couples coming in to spice up their love life, we do get our share of creepy freaks in the store. While our store is 90% Lingerie and other fun stuff, we do sell a limited collection of pornogray. All of these “Creepy Dudes” are typically shopping for porn when they come in. While all of these freaks are harmless, they do freak out the female employees.  This people can range from the business man to the dude that you think is homeless and hasn’t showered in two weeks.

So to start 2009 out right, I’ve complied a list of the top ten “Mr. Creepy Dudes” whom patronize the store over the years. We love you all of you! We’re just not in-love with you.

  1. Mr. I need porn First thing Monday Morning. You’re waiting for the clerk to open the doors on Monday morning to see if we’ve by chance received a shipment of porn on Sunday. Maybe we got an overnight shipment of porn  that you haven’t perused. Seriously, we’ve had people who think that we would get shipments of porn on the weekend. They were in the store on Saturday. The first thing Monday morning, they’re bright eyed and waiting to see if we have a new title for their viewing pleasure.
  2. Mr. Hit on the Female Clerk Dude. While buying a vibrator for your wife or girlfriend, you ask the female clerk if she want’s to go out and have drinks with you. Our girls have a very healthy sex life (I know, I’m married to one). They just don’t want to be intimate with you. Your technique and pickup line are just pain creepy. You’re buying an intimate toy for you and your significant other and then you take the time to see if you can score with the “Ladies of the Boutique”.
  3. Mr. Preachy Pants. You decide to preach to the porn clerk girl about God all while buying the latest Tranny porn for your private collection. While we don’t care what you’re into I find it mildly humors that you have to preach while you’re buying “Brazilian She-Males #4”. We all want you to know: It’s ok if you like the lady boys, we don’t care.
  4. Mr.WTF is Hygiene. Hygiene is something that you’ve forgot about and you come into the store, you’re the creepy guy. You’re smelly and spend hours looking at all the adult products in the store, but you never buy anything. We tolerate you because we love ALL our customers. Just take a bath. Hygiene is the #1 way to score with the ladies.
  5. Mr. I buy wayyyyyyyy too much porn. Of all the creepy guys, this is the one I absolutely love! They come in to the store once a week and buy 2-3 porns. You’re pleasant, respectful, usually not to bad looking. We have to wonder why are you spending lots of your free cash on virtual fantasies, when you probably could easily hook up in real life? It’s really weird when your porn collection rivals Blockbuster Video.
  6. Mr. I love women’s panties. You’re not really too creepy, we just want to know what’s wrong with you? Coming into the store every day to buy a new pair of women’s panties is a bit strange but not creepy. Asking if we want to see what they look like on you… Creepy.  Telling the poor girl that you want them to look at you when you model your newest pair of crotchless knickers puts you into the freak zone.
  7. Mr. Stalker. Hey, I know that you like to be waited on by certain star employees. Especially the ones more endowed than the others. I try and make sure that we have a 100% satisfaction when you shop at either Va Va Voom. However, it really weirds out our girls when you won’t buy anything from anybody but your special clerk. Let me clue you in, the girl you think is going to ask you to ravish her, really just tolerates you because she works on commission. Last hint, her boobs don’t talk.
  8. Mr. Meth Head. Enough said…  Nawww Just kidding. Because you’re horny and high  all the timeyou almost make #1 on the list. You think that you’re one sexy bitch, but really you’re just a twitchy, scratchy, emaciated, smelly freak who needs to get some serious sleep. I think that the drug war is 100% evil and wrong, but DUDE put that shit down. You’re freaking us out!
  9. Mr. You are the creepy dude. If you’re not sure that you’re the creepy dude at the store, you probably are.
  10. Mr. Amateur Photographer. Even better, is the amateur photographer who come in and ask the girls if they want him to take some boudoir pictures. First of all have you even seen our advertising? I’ve been dealing with the same photographer for 8 years. He’s amazing. If he’s not taking our pictures. I am and I’m pretty damn great. I’ll be you don’t even own a digital SLR camera. The truth is, we know that you’re an unemployed looser, You pose as a professional photographer on MySpace where you pathetically try to pick up chicks. We know that you’re  just going to use the pictures for your own private frap session. EWWWWWWW!

99.99% of our customers are regular everyday people, but we do get more than our fair share of interesting folks. That’s why you’re reading our blog right now! Free Entertainment.

Va Va Voom People!
Jason Vance

MySpace Max and the Pick-Up Line

One of the most amusing parts of my job is to respond to email, messages and social networks. I typically get a few email attempts at dating and or meeting our monthly cover-girl. While I don’t blame them, I do find the uber pathetic attempts at seduction almost amusing.

However, sometimes, I just get fed up with loser perverts that use MySpace as their pathetic version of a bar.

I decided to posts today’s mail, along with my smarmy response:

From: max
Date: Dec 9, 2008 7:36 AM
Subject: well

so…I’m from Sweden, in search for a playful friend in you coutry, could you be that friend maybe?

Remember, Max is a 33 old “Ladies Man” from Denmark. I decided to have some fun with him and give a proper response:

Dear Max,

Are you a complete idiot? What type of person sends numerous messages on MySpace to see if you can hook up with some willing female companion. Are you using the Shotgun approach to sex on the internet? Are you so pathetic that you’re hoping for a quickie in the dressing room by one of the staff memebers? Maybe are you hoping that our store is chocked full of swinging females whom are waiting to ravish you at your beck and call.

Did you truly take the time to read our profile? I think that it’s fairly easy to distinguish that Va Va Voom is a Retail operation and sex toy website. Va Va Voom is not some sex-crazed sexy store clerk anxiously waiting for your poorly written myspace message to turn us on.

Better yet, do you fantasize about having a lingerie store full of female companions that are waiting to perform every sexual fantasy that you may have? You might want to address this issue with a mental health professional.

Finally, if you’re really trying to be an internet Ladies Man, take the time to come up with a better “Pick-Up Lines”. There has been a number of books and articles written out there that will greatly improve your odds at having an anonymous shag. If you respond, I will provide you with a list to help in your sex ways.

You could improve your skills by visiting your local books store and searching for “How to Pick Up Chicks.”

Kind Regards,

Va Va Voom

I’m sure that there is a lesson to be learned here. Guys should carefully read a person’s profile.

MySpace Max Profile

Typically if there is a business involved, there is probably 2-3 people whom are dealing with the social media sites. Don’t assume that the Female is 5’7”, blond and sexy. In truth, it might be a marginally handsome 6’ 4” bearded guy that co-owns the company. Lastly, come up with some better pick-up lines.

Don’t be pathetic Max.

Post Election Commercial November 2008

Now that the Elections are over, Va Va Voom has created a new commercial. Let us know what you think!

You can send us feedback at store@va-va-voom.net.

November 2008 Background Image

We’re please to offer you a new background image for you to use on your computer.

Porn Store Etiquette – A guide for the mis-guided

After owing a Lingerie/Adult store for almost 8 years and working in one for 5 more, I think that I’ve seen it all. Retail can be a rewarding experience but once in great while you get people in who need a real lesson in etiquette. Seriously, I want to know who raised these people? These people don’t know how to act in public and need some lessons on how not to be a prick in your local Adult store.

I decided to take a poll from the employees and find out what is their biggest pet peeves. Interestingly enough, there are a number of behaviors that creeped out, freaked and grossed each one of the employees.

Therefore, I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a lesson in Porn-shop Etiquette.

  1. Your Sexual Tryst Invitation: Come on. Do you know how many perverts come into adult stores and invite the employees to go out and have a roll in the hay with them. Do you think that your invitation is original? Get a life. Just because we work in an adult store doesn’t mean that we’ll put out for you. Although, we may be slutty, We’re not going to do the horizontal mabo with you. If you use the local Porn-shop as a pickup joint, you are probably an anti-social, stinky pervert. We love you as a customer, we’re just not in love with you. If you’re not, we’re not interested in your swapping, threesome or other fucked up fantasy of us hooking up.
  2. Hygiene. Take a fucking bath. Enough said.
  3. Have you seen this porn? I bet that I wouldn’t have to work at a porn shop if I got a dollar every time some person asked me that question. I don’t want to be rude, but did you know that the porn industry releases over 10,000 DVD titles a year. If you can do the simple math you’d see that I don’t have time to watch every single porn.  The average porn runs about 90 minutes. This means that I would have to watch 900000 minutes of porn to possibly see the exact DVD that you are eying. Chances are I didn’t want to spend 1.7 years of my life to become your personal porno reviewer. If you like the pictures on the cover of people fucking, you’ll probably like the porn.
  4. How about watching this porn with me? EWWWWWWWWW. Come on, why would I actually take the time out of my life to watch that porn with you. You most likely gross, desperate and don’t have a life. Do you think that I want to join your frap party with you and your friends? I don’t think so. Don’t invite me, don’t even think about it. It’s not going to happen. Ever.
  5. Strippers. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to go postal on a stripper. If you are a stripper, I’ll give you a discount. Just be courteous. We work in the adult entertainment industry also. We are here to serve you. Don’t come in cracked out and expect us to give a shit.
  6. Are you the old dude who look at EVERY porn? Come on, don’t be the weird old man who doesn’t say two words to us. You just head straight to the porn section, pick up and study each and every DVD on both sides and then a few hours late, leave the store in a rush. We run a business not a charity frap fantasy. If you got your rocks off for few hours, buy some lubricant. It will save you the chafing. Please leave before you use the lubricant. Please.
  7. Staring at my breasts: Now I understand that it’s in the male psyche to stare at the closest pair of breasts. I even understand that it can be a good joke. Don’t walk in and start at the poor sales girl’s breast. WTF Moment: Walking up to me and staring at my cleavage without saying two words. It’s rude and gross. We think that you’re just a creepy old pervert.  My eyes are about 12 inches higher. Have some fucking respect and talk to me like I’m a human, not a character in your siko fantasy.
  8. Don’t cop an attitude when I ask you for ID. Take it as a complement. I am just doing my part to help the fascist government keep people under 18 out of the porn store. Be flattered that you don’t look old. I’d love to see pornographic websites get the same flack as we do.
  9. How many masturbators can you break? Dude, seriously, spend the money at a bar trying to get laid. It’s probably cheaper and will not gross us out so bad. We don’t give a shit about the size of your member. There are hundreds of penises on our walls. We don’t care about yours.
  10. Fucking in the dressing room. I wouldn’t come into your place of work and fuck on your desk. How about having some respect for the store. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve busted trying to get it on at the porn store. Think about this, you probably are not the first couple in the world trying to get their kink on in the dressing room. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. By the way, FUCK You Cosmopolitan magazine for giving couples the idea in the firs place. Take your lingerie home and go fuck each other privately.

Don’t get me wrong. We love you as our customer. I want to see you return to the store as often as you want. Just don’t be the freaked out creepy customer that no one wants to deal with. Don’t make me have to throw your ass out for not having any porn store etiquette.

Jason Vance

Real life advice for long distance relationship success

How do you keep a relationship alive when one person is constantly MIA?   Well that’s a million dollar question and I believe I have the answers to it. This is not to say that my advice will please everyone, but, it is a result of my direct experience.

It takes a very special person to be married to someone who is constantly gone. The person left at home has to be self sufficient and independent.  Someone who can be a mom and dad at the same time, an accountant and housekeeper, and in most cases someone who also works outside of the home.  The one at home has to be able to juggle not only their own daily life but also the activities of the children, and any last minute requests made by their spouse or partner.

So how do you prepare for the day when the one you are with leaves for an extended time frame?  One of the most important things to do is to make sure you know where all the important paperwork is—for example: wills, important financial documents, social security cards and anything else you might need handy.  In my family this collection of papers is called the “War Packet.” Created when my husband went over to Iraq, we have used it ever since and update the documents regularly.  (If you need a power of attorney that’s the place to keep those documents as well).

Spend as much quality time with each other as possible—that doesn’t mean go out to dinner regularly, but whatever it is that the two of you do with each other that is special.  Whether you get up in the mornings and have coffee together or lay in bed when the kids are down talking about the day—make it more of a point to do it—but be careful to avoid taking it to a point where having to be together becomes tedious.  The night before the other leaves, help them pack, make sure that they have everything they need while they will be away. If they need a care package sent, write your list at that time and start it the next day.

The most important aspect of keeping the relationship alive, in my opinion, is communication. If the communication dies everything else will fall apart.  Good communication is not just talking to each other, because there are times when phone calls aren’t possible.  Keeping each other involved in the mundane daily things that seem trivial normally are actually very important when distance is between you.  Whether it’s a short email about your day, how the kids are doing (if applicable), or simply how you are feeling.

Just because distance is between you doesn’t lessen the importance of special days and holidays. They are just as important as when you are together, so make sure to send a package at Christmas, or, like in our family, if we can we call my husband, put the phone on speaker while the kids open their presents. This makes the other person feel involved, still an important and vital part of the family.

If your anniversary falls on a day they will be gone, go treat yourself and send them a special email or card. Do the same thing with Valentine’s Day. Basically, just keep them involved in the holidays and birthdays even when they are not there to participate physically in them.

Intimacy is it possible with out the other person physically being there.  How do you go about sexual relations with each other while one is gone?   Well, this is where it takes a creative mind. Yes, it is possible to have sexual relations with your partner while they are gone.  It’s a little different than when they are there (obviously) but it still works.  A few of my tricks to get me through the separation times include, phone sex, web-cam use and cyber sex.  All are very fulfilling and leave a satisfied body in its wake.  The intimacy side really doesn’t change too much because you are still with the person, just in a different form. However, you have to open more of yourself to them and visa versa.

When you have a relationship where one is away for extended periods of time you learn just how much you can take and sometimes have to push past those limitations to forge a stronger bond with your partner. Sometimes it is just a matter of finding the strength deep down inside of you to push forward to another day.

Life keeps happening while the other is away and sometimes you have to face some of your hardest situations physically alone.  Here is an example of facing a hardship by yourself.  Mothers Day ‘08, I was out spending the day with my kids and saw my dad had called, so I called him back after we ate dinner. His roommate answered the phone and told me my dad had died that day!  Ya, it was like a nuclear bomb going off in my heart.  So I went home and call my husband, who even as he answered the phone knew something was wrong, and then knew once he heard me crying what it was.

In the days that followed my father’s death, my husband was my rock. Although he wasn’t there to hold me, he was there to support me, to listen to and reassure me in the ways I needed him to.  When it came time for me to go back to Washington to take care of the arrangements, he offered to come home but I told him no.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want him there but more like I needed to do it myself. He was going to be home in two weeks anyway. However, he called me frequently the whole time  I was there to make sure I was okay and listen to me vent, cry, whatever.  When he came home he held me while I cried and tried to let go.

Just because distance separates you and your loved one doesn’t mean it has to affect you or your relationship in a negative way.  The lessons you learn about yourself and your inner strength are what will get you through just about anything that could happen.  You find that you are stronger than you could have ever dreamed of being and if your life has been built on solid ground then it will stay standing when the storms start knocking at your door.

The homecoming day is one to look forward to for many reasons. It is such a relief to not have to do everything by yourself any longer.  Though there is a transition phase that takes place in my house. He starts to slowly take over the cooking, (THANK GOD) is there to help me with the household chores, and he steps back into the role of dad so I can go back to just being mom.  We make sure we have planned family outings and special time for us as a family but we also set aside time just for us to have quality time to ourselves as well.

Here is the bottom line that I believe most people don’t understand: Don’t take the time for granted that you spend with the one you love. Don’t take for granted their presence in your bed, because if the day comes when they have to leave for real period of time, you will be at a complete emotional loss. Every day you are with that person, be thankful that they are there.

There are people all around the world who see their partners daily but tend to overlook all they have in their presence. If you are a person who has a partner who is gone for extended periods of time you understand that time together is precious. Remember to always celebrate that, because it will be the memory of those times that hold you steady, strong and true during separation.

Stripper 101

Note: I originally published this about 3 years ago. I’ve updated the article with new smart ass remarks, information and editing. Enjoy!

The other day, I was asked to write down a list of what it takes to become a stripper for a author friend of mine. Let’s face it, I’m not a stripper, nor do I play one on TV. However, I do sell a ton of stripper’s clothing and supplies and have talked with thousands over the years and I have a pretty good idea of what you should do and shouldn’t do when choosing the glamorous career as a bar room nudie dancer.

I’ve divided this post into a few sections: Tools of the Trade, Aesthetics, Attitude, Making Money and Keeping Money.

Tools of the Trade

3″ + Heels.

That’s right, first off all you’re going to need is a few pairs of really good heels. They’re going to cost you. Typically a pair of stripper shoes runs between $75 and $100. I would recommend that you purchase two pairs. The best shoes are plastic one-piece construction. You’re going to be putting quite a bit of pressure on them, so you don’t want them breaking while you’re shaking your money makers. Make sure that you also pick up a few Non-Slip rubber pads for the bottom of the shoes. You don’t want to be dancing for someone and slip up and fall (unless your trying to go for sympathy tips).

Clothing.

You should pay particular attention to the clothing that you need. In some cities, the right wing evil bureaucrats have made many rules that you need to follow from size of pasties that you may or may not need, to the size of your thong (yes, some of us perverts would really like that job).

Pasties.

If you’re not dancing in a nude bar, you’re probably going to need pasties. You may even have requirements on the size of bikini that you can wear that will keep you out of jail (I’d like to see the mug shots on that one). There are many different types that you can use, from the standard sequin pasties, Pastease to the great old standby– black electrical tape.

Outfits.

In my town, being a stripper isn’t competitive (Is there actually stripper competitions that can be taken seriously?). You’re lucky to have to compete with no more that 6 other girls on the weekend. So most of them don’t have to be very creative with their outfits. The strippers just wear standard stripper wear (bikini and thong) and don’t do any routines/outfits that use much imagination or creativity.

However, I would recommend that you pickup a few costumes to enhance your routine. What do men like? I’m glad you asked. We’ve sold thousands of costumes over the years, and you won’t be surprised to see that the most popular outfits are Naughty Nurses, Sexy School Girls, Sexy Police Women, Pirate Wenches and Bunnies. Use your imagination for Pete’s sake.

Music.

Whatever you get, you should match it to your routine to music. I’m not saying you have to do this 100% of the time, but it helps to get you a few more dollars in tips. Most clubs will allow you to bring in your choice of music. Many strippers play what’s popular for that day. That’s a bad idea. You want to be unique and stand out from the harem of strippers at your club. Don’t just play today’s trendy techo pop crap. Use the freaking internet. Find something unique that totally you. Don’t be a mindless Zombie Stripper.

Dance Routine.

Every stripper has her routine. A stripper that I know used to dress up in a Pin-Striped suit and she would come out on the dance floor playing Lords of Acid, “I Sit on Acid.” As she told me, it would make the crowd go NUTS. Learn it well and practice it. Nothing will turn off your potential customer more than when you wither and die on the stage. Do something original. Dance stripper dance…Dance for those dollars…

Accessories.

Perfume and body dust are a must. You’ll get extra tips if you invest in some Kama Sutra Honey Dust. It smells great and gives you a sexy sweet smell. Guys really dig this. Try to pick a perfume that complements it– I prefer Chanel No. 5. Don’t be wearing that cheap ass grocery store perfume. Take some time to invest in a complementary scent at a real department store.

You might want to pick up some boas, whips and chains for added BDMS appeal. Liquid Latex adds great dramatic addition to your gear. Wigs, extensions, eyelashes and sparkle makeup add to the details of your outfit/fantasy. You can’t spend all of your money on meth.

Money Purse.

A purse is needed to store all that $ you’ve made off your last dance. I really recommend that you purchase something opaque. You don’t want your other stripper associates to know how much money you’ve made. Keep your stripper friends close and your money closer.

After every set, I would recommend that you have some secure place to store your cash. I’ve heard strippers whine one two many times about how some other stripper whore has stolen her money. If you don’t you’ll be sorry. I personally think that it’s funny after all the items I’ve had stole from our store from some cracked out stripper. Paybacks are a bitch. Make sure your dollars are secure!

Aesthetics.

Manicure, manicure, manicure. You’ve heard the phrase, “The devil’s is in the details.” I recommend that you not only get a manicure, but a pedicure as well. Nothing is going to turn off a guy more than when you slap your fungus-encased toenails up in front of some his face. Get them professionally done. It’s despicable when you manicure looks like it was done by a 14 year old girl…

Genital Hair.

Let’s face it, there is nothing grosser than seeing a forest of pubic hairs sticking out of your bikini bottom. Get yourself to the nearest salon and have them wax you poetic, or maybe Brazilian. If you’re dancing at a fully nude bar, get yourself a shaving kit and shave a cute design above your sweet spot. If you’re going to self-shave I would recommend Coochy shaving cream and a shaver.

Makeup.

No Grocery store makeup for you! Take some lessons from the Mac counter at Macy’s! Get good modern style makeup. Patrons want to see bedroom eyes. Learn how to create the fantasy. That cheap ass lipstick that you wear is going to only make you look like a whore.

Hair.

I know that this is basic, but get an appointment with a real salon. Make sure that your hair is pristine. Purchase product that will keep your hair soft, silky and smooth. Split ends, dark roots and color-in-a-bottle tell your customers that you don’t care about yourself and they shouldn’t either. Cracky, bed-head meth look is not appealing, expect when you’re high. Make it look like you have a sugar daddy who takes you to nice salons.

Body Build.

Nobody said that stripping is easy work. The best legs that I’ve ever seen come from strippers. However this isn’t a guide for the old stripper, it’s a guide for the young and dumb. I would recommend that you get a gym membership and do some weight training along with some cardio workouts 3-5 times a week. Nobody wants to see cottage cheese on your thighs.

Legs and armpits.

Either shave EVERY freakin’ day or get a weekly waxing. How about doing both! Nothing is going to turn off a guy more than your European values on body hair.

Weight.

Let’s face it, if you’re going to become a stripper, you need to weigh less than your potential customers. Loose the weight first. This doesn’t mean going on the “Jenny Crank Diet”, just stop eating that crappy fast food and high fructose corn syrup food stuff. You’ll be better off going vegitarian and eating healthy. Not only will this give you a health glow, but you’ll loose the few extra LB’s you and I have been wanting you to lose.

Hygiene.

Let’s face it, bitch, wash your panties. I know a ton of strippers who don’t ever wash their outfits. Patrons don’t want be rub up against clothing that has never seen Tide. Make sure that you actually know how to use a washer. This means that you should probably find a good dry cleaner. Take your smoky stripper outfits and get them professionally cleaned.

Your Attitude

The Customer.

You are there to fulfill someone’s sick fantasy of hooking up with you. That’s it. However, there’s a line that you don’t want to cross. You want to seem sweet, approachable and available. If you come off as stuck up, bitchy or snotty, you’re going to loose money that night. I’ve ran into a few drunky and cracky strippers that didn’t know how bad they were turning off their customers. Every night you should psych yourself up to be the best stripper that you can be. This means, be NICE to everyone! (Unless they show/tell you what sort of sick bastard the really are).

Student Tales.

Actually I love this one!  Don’t tell me that you’re the urban legend of the PhD student stripper who is going to be your doctor one day. Don’t tell me that you’re going to be working here for a little while you pay your tuition. I’ve heard this a million times. If you’re going to tell someone that, pick a major that doesn’t make you look like a morn, like underwater basket weaving.  Now I don’t want a million emails telling me that you’ve met the real thing, I’m not saying they don’t exist, but they’re just elusive like the Hairy Rhinoceros.

Acting stupid.

This is just a given. Most men I know hate stupid women. Many men who patronize strip clubs are smart up-and-coming businessmen. Just don’t act stupid. Your patron are not, neither are you. Enough Said.

Your Local Boutique Sales Staff.

I’ve had enough employees to know that they rarely enjoy waiting on a stripper. A Typical stripper comes in the store and destroys our sales associates’ merchandising. Not only that they are also usually rude and sport a better-than-thou in their attitude. They treat the sales staff with absolute no respect. Take the time to get to know the girls. If you do, they’ll take care of you. They will make sure that your custom item comes in the next order. This means when there’s a new order of stripper clothing and costumes, they’ll put it aside just for you. Remember: BE SWEET. They’ll take care of you if you take care of them.

Making Money

Choice of Clubs.

This is going to probably be one of the most important decisions of your stripper career. Many clubs have pervy, shady owners. Why do you think that they opened a strip club? They wanted to try and have sex with young & dumb girls. Before you go to any club to audition, I would suggest that you invest some time to talk to the strippers at the potential club. Most club owners will hire you on a contract so they’re indemnified from everything. This means that YOU are responsible for paying taxes, insurance, etc for yourself.  Many of these clubs charge you a “Stage Fee” along with taking half of your “lap dance” money. You’re usually responsible for selling over-priced drinks to the patrons and lastly, you are going to have tip out your DJ and bouncers. Most clubs get away with running this way because the strippers that work there don’t seem to be smart enough to unite into some sort of stripper union.

Pay Attention.

I really shouldn’t have to explain this but I will anyway. Stripers haven’t been know for solving the . In the club, pay attention to who your patrons are. Many times, there will be a group of men celebrating something like a bachelor party, big promotion, etc. Cater to these men and you’ll take every penny that they’ve come to the club with.

Keeping Money Your Money.
Deposit your Money.

Need I say more? Get a bank account and before you go to your house each night, deposit all of your $1 bills. I’ve been around enough strippers to know that 99% of them really don’t know how to manage their money. I’ve known strippers who make $500 a night, four nights a week and drive a 1990 Ford. Think about this, $500 a night translates into over $100,000 per year if you can keep your cash. Don’t be one of those strippers who tells me that you make tons of money doesn’t even have a decent ride.

Learn how to Invest.

That’s right, with all your new found riches, get with an investment banker and put away 25% of the money you make each week. You could also set up some sort of Scottrade account or E-Trade account. If you do this, you should be able to live comfortable after 5 or 6 years of work. This translates into having $300,000+ in the bank. Not bad for shaking your booty in front of some blue-collar worker’s face. You have a maximum of 10 years to get it done. If you’re smart, you can retire at 28. Don’t be stupid, your beauty will fade as you get older.

Boyfriends.

If your boyfriend doesn’t make as much or more than you, he’s just a Gold Digging BITCH. Dump his sorry ass. You’re a fantasy, so be one in the real world. Don’t give some guy a lap dance and talk about your boyfriend all night. Your customer wants to think that you’re perfectly available, even if you really hate men.

Conclusion

Being a successful stripper doesn’t require a PhD in business. You have one three assets that you can really use. You have a limited amount of time before there is someone upstages you, being prettier and completely hotter than your ass. Unless you plan on buying the joint, you’re not going to be hanging out at these establishments at 40. Learn how to make your money work for you and not how to work for your money.

Some thoughts for the road.

  • How many pairs of 6″+ heels do you need? Buy a house, a car or invest your money…put it under your mattress, don’t buy any more clothes that you won’t wear when your 30.
  • Don’t become a cracked-out whore like your associates…
  • Treat your local boutique employees like gold…
  • Your Body is a Business, not a methadone clinic…
  • Why be the whore when you can be the Madam…
  • If you’re boyfriend is OK with your job, dump his sorry ass…
  • If you make more than your boyfriend dump his sorry ass…

Jason Vance

Continue reading ‘Stripper 101’

Monogamy Sucks

-Written by the single independent female of America.

I, the single, independent female, would like to voice my concern about an epidemic in America that no one has ever warned the general populus of: Monogamy. (Granted, Emma Goldman was an advocate of single-dom in the late 1800’s; but most of you don’t remember her).

BE FOREWARNED!

People are coupling off, marrying up, and giving up their legal and social independence left and right. Do not fall into this easy, socially convenient trap!

When you get married, you give the government the power to regulate your legal and financial rights. In most states, you and your partner join as one financial entity and thus “your savings” become “our savings”– and if it doesn’t work out and you decide to bail, half of what you’ve earned is now half theirs, too. In addition, you enact the government’s discriminative authority to tell YOU what is the definition of marriage. If you’re attracted to the same sex, and you fall in love, as people do, you cannot get married in the United States. Prettymuch.

And, if you’re a straight couple and you get married, you are, even if you don’t agree with it, supporting the government’s definition of marriage, and in that case, sexual attraction and love, as something that should only take place between a man and a woman.

This brings me to my greater point: Monogamy sucks. Sure, it can be fun for a while… and even deepening emotional relationships- full of ups and downs- can help develop character and better human connection. But really? In a romantic relationship (unless you’re a swinger), you have to fuck the same person over and over and over and over and over. This can lead to increased creativity, boredom, or both (hopefully not simultaneously… this is usually when cheating occurs… and cheating SUCKS).

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t mean to necessarily “bash” on all monogamy. Not even just monogamy in romantic relationships. I am very, VERY impressed with happy couples. I am more than impressed. I am in awe. My mind is boggled by the thought of monogamy actually making two people happy. And I am a bit jealous, I won’t lie.

Because for me, personally, monogamy will never, EVER, work. However, after I ponder what it is about me that doesn’t desire monogamy, I am no longer jealous.

Perhaps it’s just because (and yes, I’m really this conceited) I am so freakin’ happy being me that I don’t want to really supplement me. And I don’t feel the need to add something to my life- like a person-unless they’re worth having in my life. Goddamnit, I am amazing. And there are a lot of other people in the world who share my opinion (not just about me; but they also don’t seek their “other half” because they are “whole”). Thank the Lord.

Referring back to another article I have written about chronic daters: I believe a lot of people date to feel better about themselves. I simply don’t understand this concept. This behaviour consists of repeatedly entering and ending relationships. Thus the pain from one never really goes away as it is carried on though the next relationship and stockpiled with the hurt from the others– never allowing for healing time– single time.

Single time, back when I used to date more frequently, is my favorite time. Sure, right after a relationship breaks up, it’s hard for a while. You’ve mentally, physically and habitually conditioned yourself to a schedule of “we” and “us” and even for your significant other.

But once the initial sting has subsided (much like a shot at the doctor’s office) you become better and stronger and more protected. You begin that time for self-care: for self-love and sometimes realize what an important asset you are and what important assets you have. You may become more protective/cautious not to injure those assets in the future. You may start to realize what you don’t want in a relationship (like the bad characteristics of the last partner, etc); and you start again to realize just what it is that you DO want: Not only in a romantic sense, but in life. A few months after a breakup should be the happiest time in your life. You don’t have to follow the rules of dating or feel loss anymore– you just have to adjust to your fabulous self. That fucking rules!

The best part about single time is learning new things about yourself. As a time to reflect and think about the last relationship, you learn about how you interact and change. How you adjust. How you think differently. And you can apply this knowledge to adapt to be who you want to be.

This is why I prefer singledom over monogamy. (Not always exclusively– dating for kicks and giggles is and can be fun.) In the long run, not having a prior commitment all the time is, for me at least, a good thing. I love being busy and I don’t think I would like to take on another restriction or commitment in my life– be it time, emotional, or fiscal.

Maybe I’m still attached, in some way, to my teenage rebellion stage. I simply don’t want to have to check in with anyone. Ever. I’d rather spend time enriching myself or on those who really need the effort than spending time on enriching “us”. Which, will inevitably (and yes- always inevitably– be it death or divorce) end.

Yes, it’s good to learn from experiences using the “we/us” pronouns, but it takes a lot of energy away from the self– especially for females, who tend to put a lot of work into every single relationship that they have. That effort can be used to help the community, your neighbor, your kids. Instead of creating a needy entity in yourself– one that constantly needs to be fixed and/or helped– share the resources you have with the world.

If you’re reading this, you have much more power and wealth and resources than you think. You have more power, wealth, and resources than 50% of the world (and thats a conservative estimate). Put it to use.

Oh, and have as much sex as you like. When you like. With whom you like. As often and as kinky as you like. On your terms (but ALWAYS safe!!!). Because when you have no prior commitments regarding your sexual being– you can devote that time to YOU and whomever else you deem worthy. We all have our own rules for sex, but get to know your boundaries as much as possible. Rejecting monogamy doesn’t mean you can’t have a steady partner– that partner just knows that both of you will be (and MUST be) honest with the other about other sexual relations you have– for safety, if nothing else.

Screw monogamy. Screw each other.

Peace.

-Rebecca

Join us at Va Va Voom’s Exotic, Erotic, & Sultry Halloween Fashion Show

Va Va Voom will be showing off their Halloween collection, featuring Pirates, Marie Antoinette, Naughty Nurses and More. Come join us a Pair in Downtown boise, 601 W Main on October 11th, 2008 at 10:30 pm. Va Va Voom will be giving out free swag during the show. Make sure that you get their early, there is only a limited number of seats available!

October 2008 Halloween Desktop Image

Starting in October, 2008, Va Va Voom will be posting a sexy background picture for your computer each month for our loyal customers. This month we decided to feature one of our sexy models wearing one of our sexy witch costumes. Click the picture below to get the full high resolution version.

A few of my favorite things

I could go on and on and on and ooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn about my “three” favorite things in the shop. For example, I could pick three favorites in lingerie, toys, lubes, videos, hoiser alike…. You can imagine how long that list would be!

However; if I had to pick just three things to make my world go ’round, they would be:

1. The new line from Booty Parlour
Everything in this line rocks. The lip gloss/plumper looks and feels amazing; the lube lasts forever; the sparkle powder absolutely makes you glow. But the thing I love most from this line is the “Flirty Little Secret” firming bronzer with pheremones. This product combines my all-time favorite things in the whole wide earth: it has pheremones (dunno about you, but in my experience, people are more interested when I have pheremones on); bronzer, (it ROCKS because it doesn’t streak or look orange AT ALL… I know, no one ever believes me…I have to rub it on them for them to get it!); sparkles, (they attract light and make your skin GLOW); lotion, it feels Grrrrreat!, and it’s a firming cream. It firms your skin, makes it glow, AND you look more tanned WHILE being moisturized. This is my absolute favorite thing that I put on every day. Pick some up. PRONTO! (If you doubt me, please use our testers in the store! I use them every day… and I’m pretty sure that my boss will get angry if I’m the only one that uses them all up… so get in here and try them.)

2. I’m also lovin’ the “Tasty Twist Oral-gasm enhancer balm” in butter cream icing. It tastes like cream frosting but with a tang of mint. Mmmmm. And it feels amazing on your clit. Sometimes I use lube, but other times I just apply a dab of this cream and not only do I love the taste, but I immediately self-lube without doing anything else. If nothing else, it’s like the lazy person’s “automatic turn-on” cream (it also really enhances the experience for two or more– and is formulated for use on the penis, too). The product claims to intensify orgasms– and in my experience, it not only speeds up the rate at which I can orgasm, but does pack a punch to intensity. Try it alone or with friends. 🙂

3. The final highly-reccommended item (nope, sorry; porn didn’t quite make this list… but look for Pirates 2 coming out SOON! 😉
It is actually a book, yes, I am a nerd at heart. “SM 101“.

My boss recommended that I read this book, and now I know why. It is an AMAZING aand versatile book. It explains the complexities of the sado-massachism lifestyle or sexual preference not as a torture but as something both partners should enjoy. It’s a great introduction for the curious, a good refresher for the experienced, and a fun discussion starter among newbies. The book talks about respect and boundaries a lot, and really emphasizes the importance of trust and safety. (And if you ever want to try anything out, we have a lot of different gear… from cat-o-nines to crops to blindfolds to cuffs to bed straps and nipple clamps. Just ask what we recommend to use.)
… these are just a few of my favorite things. If you’re ever interested in a different kind of item, just ask any of us in the store what we think is the best.  Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box!

Rebecca

New Blog Address

We’ve updated our blog address to www.va-va-voomn.net/v3blog. All future posts will appear there.

Sex Toy 101 (No Nudity)

sex-toy-101-logo

 

Sex Toy 101

Are you baffled by sexy toy stores? It’s daunting task to walk into your local toy shop and get advice on what toy will work best for you. Va Va Voom helps to debunk myths and educates you on the plethora of sensual options found in your local shop. In this class you will learn:

•Anatomy
•Your Mental State
•Vibrator 101
•Boy’s Toys
•The Forbidden Zone
•Keeping Well Lubricated
•Love me, beat me
•Safety, Safety, Safety

The Va Va Voom staff will tech you how to enjoy your sex life, with or without a partner. 

Note: Presentation includes Lecture, Live Demonstrations and Q&A.

NO Nudity. Must be 21 to attend. Partners preferred. There is No Charge for this class, but you will need to call and RSVP. You will receive 20% DISCOUNT after the event. There is no cost for this event. 208-322-6035.

Free as in Beer Panty Day!

 

Ahhh, Free Panty day again at Va Va Voom. Mark your calendar on Saturday December 20th 2008. You too can get your free pair of panties at our Boise and Wendover location (While Supplies Last!).
 
We know that when family is around you probably don’t have time to get intimate with the one you love. Va Va Voom is here to help you with your last ditch efforts before you have to endure everyone’s family during the holidays. Come on on with a friend and you’ll both receive a FREE pair of panties.
Guys, get in to give your loved one a free stocking stuffer!
You will also receive 15% off any purchase all day long! This time, let’s hope that we can break the record for the number of people coming in to Va Va Voom. Limited supplies on hand, go get in early!
Just print out the coupon below to get your free pair of panties. Get in early!
free-panty

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