Posts Tagged 'Porn'

MySpace Max and the Pick-Up Line

One of the most amusing parts of my job is to respond to email, messages and social networks. I typically get a few email attempts at dating and or meeting our monthly cover-girl. While I don’t blame them, I do find the uber pathetic attempts at seduction almost amusing.

However, sometimes, I just get fed up with loser perverts that use MySpace as their pathetic version of a bar.

I decided to posts today’s mail, along with my smarmy response:

From: max
Date: Dec 9, 2008 7:36 AM
Subject: well

so…I’m from Sweden, in search for a playful friend in you coutry, could you be that friend maybe?

Remember, Max is a 33 old “Ladies Man” from Denmark. I decided to have some fun with him and give a proper response:

Dear Max,

Are you a complete idiot? What type of person sends numerous messages on MySpace to see if you can hook up with some willing female companion. Are you using the Shotgun approach to sex on the internet? Are you so pathetic that you’re hoping for a quickie in the dressing room by one of the staff memebers? Maybe are you hoping that our store is chocked full of swinging females whom are waiting to ravish you at your beck and call.

Did you truly take the time to read our profile? I think that it’s fairly easy to distinguish that Va Va Voom is a Retail operation and sex toy website. Va Va Voom is not some sex-crazed sexy store clerk anxiously waiting for your poorly written myspace message to turn us on.

Better yet, do you fantasize about having a lingerie store full of female companions that are waiting to perform every sexual fantasy that you may have? You might want to address this issue with a mental health professional.

Finally, if you’re really trying to be an internet Ladies Man, take the time to come up with a better “Pick-Up Lines”. There has been a number of books and articles written out there that will greatly improve your odds at having an anonymous shag. If you respond, I will provide you with a list to help in your sex ways.

You could improve your skills by visiting your local books store and searching for “How to Pick Up Chicks.”

Kind Regards,

Va Va Voom

I’m sure that there is a lesson to be learned here. Guys should carefully read a person’s profile.

MySpace Max Profile

Typically if there is a business involved, there is probably 2-3 people whom are dealing with the social media sites. Don’t assume that the Female is 5’7”, blond and sexy. In truth, it might be a marginally handsome 6’ 4” bearded guy that co-owns the company. Lastly, come up with some better pick-up lines.

Don’t be pathetic Max.


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