Posts Tagged 'Sexuality'

Monogamy Sucks

-Written by the single independent female of America.

I, the single, independent female, would like to voice my concern about an epidemic in America that no one has ever warned the general populus of: Monogamy. (Granted, Emma Goldman was an advocate of single-dom in the late 1800’s; but most of you don’t remember her).

BE FOREWARNED!

People are coupling off, marrying up, and giving up their legal and social independence left and right. Do not fall into this easy, socially convenient trap!

When you get married, you give the government the power to regulate your legal and financial rights. In most states, you and your partner join as one financial entity and thus “your savings” become “our savings”– and if it doesn’t work out and you decide to bail, half of what you’ve earned is now half theirs, too. In addition, you enact the government’s discriminative authority to tell YOU what is the definition of marriage. If you’re attracted to the same sex, and you fall in love, as people do, you cannot get married in the United States. Prettymuch.

And, if you’re a straight couple and you get married, you are, even if you don’t agree with it, supporting the government’s definition of marriage, and in that case, sexual attraction and love, as something that should only take place between a man and a woman.

This brings me to my greater point: Monogamy sucks. Sure, it can be fun for a while… and even deepening emotional relationships- full of ups and downs- can help develop character and better human connection. But really? In a romantic relationship (unless you’re a swinger), you have to fuck the same person over and over and over and over and over. This can lead to increased creativity, boredom, or both (hopefully not simultaneously… this is usually when cheating occurs… and cheating SUCKS).

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t mean to necessarily “bash” on all monogamy. Not even just monogamy in romantic relationships. I am very, VERY impressed with happy couples. I am more than impressed. I am in awe. My mind is boggled by the thought of monogamy actually making two people happy. And I am a bit jealous, I won’t lie.

Because for me, personally, monogamy will never, EVER, work. However, after I ponder what it is about me that doesn’t desire monogamy, I am no longer jealous.

Perhaps it’s just because (and yes, I’m really this conceited) I am so freakin’ happy being me that I don’t want to really supplement me. And I don’t feel the need to add something to my life- like a person-unless they’re worth having in my life. Goddamnit, I am amazing. And there are a lot of other people in the world who share my opinion (not just about me; but they also don’t seek their “other half” because they are “whole”). Thank the Lord.

Referring back to another article I have written about chronic daters: I believe a lot of people date to feel better about themselves. I simply don’t understand this concept. This behaviour consists of repeatedly entering and ending relationships. Thus the pain from one never really goes away as it is carried on though the next relationship and stockpiled with the hurt from the others– never allowing for healing time– single time.

Single time, back when I used to date more frequently, is my favorite time. Sure, right after a relationship breaks up, it’s hard for a while. You’ve mentally, physically and habitually conditioned yourself to a schedule of “we” and “us” and even for your significant other.

But once the initial sting has subsided (much like a shot at the doctor’s office) you become better and stronger and more protected. You begin that time for self-care: for self-love and sometimes realize what an important asset you are and what important assets you have. You may become more protective/cautious not to injure those assets in the future. You may start to realize what you don’t want in a relationship (like the bad characteristics of the last partner, etc); and you start again to realize just what it is that you DO want: Not only in a romantic sense, but in life. A few months after a breakup should be the happiest time in your life. You don’t have to follow the rules of dating or feel loss anymore– you just have to adjust to your fabulous self. That fucking rules!

The best part about single time is learning new things about yourself. As a time to reflect and think about the last relationship, you learn about how you interact and change. How you adjust. How you think differently. And you can apply this knowledge to adapt to be who you want to be.

This is why I prefer singledom over monogamy. (Not always exclusively– dating for kicks and giggles is and can be fun.) In the long run, not having a prior commitment all the time is, for me at least, a good thing. I love being busy and I don’t think I would like to take on another restriction or commitment in my life– be it time, emotional, or fiscal.

Maybe I’m still attached, in some way, to my teenage rebellion stage. I simply don’t want to have to check in with anyone. Ever. I’d rather spend time enriching myself or on those who really need the effort than spending time on enriching “us”. Which, will inevitably (and yes- always inevitably– be it death or divorce) end.

Yes, it’s good to learn from experiences using the “we/us” pronouns, but it takes a lot of energy away from the self– especially for females, who tend to put a lot of work into every single relationship that they have. That effort can be used to help the community, your neighbor, your kids. Instead of creating a needy entity in yourself– one that constantly needs to be fixed and/or helped– share the resources you have with the world.

If you’re reading this, you have much more power and wealth and resources than you think. You have more power, wealth, and resources than 50% of the world (and thats a conservative estimate). Put it to use.

Oh, and have as much sex as you like. When you like. With whom you like. As often and as kinky as you like. On your terms (but ALWAYS safe!!!). Because when you have no prior commitments regarding your sexual being– you can devote that time to YOU and whomever else you deem worthy. We all have our own rules for sex, but get to know your boundaries as much as possible. Rejecting monogamy doesn’t mean you can’t have a steady partner– that partner just knows that both of you will be (and MUST be) honest with the other about other sexual relations you have– for safety, if nothing else.

Screw monogamy. Screw each other.

Peace.

-Rebecca


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